A good Cry:

so just now me and sasu were having a something between girls that lead to a scuffle about me having no concept of what it is to be low on money or broke, which sasu knows about a while lot more about than me so my bitching about my money annoys her.

well i forget how but this led to me telling her my deepest secret that dated back to the time that we first met. the secret haunts me now and i cant shake free of it by myself even though i know it's a problem that hurts myself and others especially today the fears and stresses lead me to cry IRL and i decided to reveal that to her online.

well today i finally dug deep into my emotional baggage and i showed her one of my flaws that i use to pride myself on as a strength in the revealing she said she'd never seen me cry. I'm not going to tell just anyone this dark secret of mine. now that she knows she understands some of my issues but she's not gonna treat me differently cus i need a good beating every now and then from someone i trust. and you know what? that long awaited cry felt so good and freeing i wish I'd had my sasu next to me to share it with in person she would have loved it.


A truth Told:

I'm damaged. I did it to myself back in elementary school to cope with my bullies and my family. i could tell you all that i did to myself to make me a parody of a normal person. I'm the psycho i am today because of what i did. i likely would have been a genuinely nicer person interested in boys, fashion, makeup, and all those other girly things if I'd just dealt with things the right way back then but i didn't. I"m a girl who wishes she were a guy in a world she fears for many reasons that feels betrayed and alone. I try to act nice like the person i dream i an and it works for a while but the real me is there under the surface, hiding. its not so pretty but it wants to be, it really does.


Three of me:

for a few years now I've been referring to the times of my being in phases. these phases appear in many of my stories as a recurring theme. of light darkness and shadow. more accurately as the Fireheart of Past to Present.

the white, or child me, is clothed in a blood stained dress of what was once white cotton and is covered in healing wounds received form the beating my childhood took. she smiles sadly with kindness and loves all living things. she's not strong physically but her emotional purity gives her strength.

the gold, or current phase, stands alone staring down at the child and wishes to go back to those simpler times where things were bright and good. this phase appears as a twenty year old woman with purple hair and brown cats ears and a tail. in one hand is a staff as long as she is tall. she fears loosing her light charge the the darkness that creeps in, if she looses her light then she'll be nothing. it is Nothing that she fears above all.

The Black is shadow, the last phase. all that i hate of myself is here and it samples the worst of others and pushes them onto it's gold opponent. in time it will overcome the defiant feline, it has only to wait and the creatures strength will wane. when that time comes it will take everything away and leave the middle phase with nothing but her own regrets.


it is a constant battle that medications mediated but couldn't conquer alone. I know I'm not strong enough to do this by myself and win. I just hope i don't burn the bridges i need to survive too badly to ask for help when i really need it badly.

THE ANTI ART THIEF ARMY!


Commander and chief of TAATA!


Clubs I'm in



Neopian Head Gallery



HEADS EATEN! (galleries you should really see)









Mature Head Gallery (for the older crowd)